PARIS HILTON'S ALBUM: THE BACK-HANDED COMPLIMENTS BEGIN

The Los Angeles Times reports that Paris Hilton's much-delayed debut album—the Chinese Democracy for people who don't actually know where China is located—will finally be released this summer. The as-yet-untitled record is being kept away from the press, a strategy usually reserved for Rob Schneider movies; but the Times reports that the 10-track disc includes credibility-squandering collaborations with Three 6 Mafia, Scott Storch and DJ Paul Oakenfold (who delicately notes that "a lot of people were expecting it to be a lot worse than it is"), and that at least one song, "Jealousy," is aimed at Nicole Richie:

"Jealousy" rocks harder, shot through with guitars, violins and plaintive lyrics. "You're not the girl I once knew," she sings. "Tell me where she is 'cause she's not you." On "Fighting Over Me" (featuring Fat Joe and Jadakiss), her "collabo" in the vein of LL Cool J and Lopez's recent rap-R&B hybrid, "Control Myself," Hilton busts a rhyme over a hip-hop beat: "Every time I turn around, boys are fightin' over me / Maybe 'cause I'm hot to death and so, so, so sex-ee.

So many questions: What will be more embarrassing to white people—her rapping or her singing? Has she finally, finally learned how to spell phonetically? And does she really think that guys are fightin' over her whenever she turns around? We're pretty sure they're more likely to be delousing themselves with Ketel One and some WD-40.